Update on Health

Things on my health front haven't been getting any better. My anxiety is causing more stress on my heart than it's worth.  My doctor took me out of work for 3 months to relax and to deal with the changing of medication that I'm going to be going through.

I miss Bailee.  I hate that I am out of work and she's not here with me.  Granted- I wouldn't be relaxing as much chasing her around.  That, and listening to how much fun she is having makes me happy for her.

We are headed down to St. George tomorrow to spend the weekend with her.  I am really excited to see her.  She brings so much life to me.

Basically now I am waiting on my Short Term Disability to go into effect so that I can get paid while I am off of work.

I am so bored.  I sleep till 12-2 and then just lay on the couch like a veggie.  I am on strict rules not to exercise too hard because my resting heart rate is around 130.  If I push it too heard who knows what'll happen.  I've already been told that if my heart rate isn't better by July 11th then I'll be put on heart medication to slow my heart rate.

I can't wait to start swimming regularly.  I need it.  It is zen for me.

Mike has been such a rock for me.  I know that this is in no way easy for him to watch me struggle.  But he wants to be there for me and he wants to see me get well and help me in anyway that he can.  That means more to me than anything.

Here's hoping for a speedy recovery so that I can be back at work in NO TIME!!  I love sleeping in, but I hate being lazy and just sitting around all day.

Goo Blues

It's been awhile since I posted.  I was looking forward to posting more frequently.... But, I've been delayed... Computer issues, spending time with the Goo, and health issues.

Bailee left to St. George for the summer last night.  And I am already missing her like crazy.  Acutally... I have been missing her like crazy since she left!  I called Eric about 40 minutes after they drove away and said, "Okay!  You've had your fun! It's time to bring her back now!"   ....needless to say- it didn't work.

I've got a case of the Goo Blues.   And I don't see them going away anytime soon.  My house is quiet and I am bored!

Oh  baby girl!  Mama misses you soooooooo very much!!

At least I know that she is having a whole lot more fun in St. George this summer than she'd have here. As one co-worker quoted today (from an adoption add none the less) ...... I am not giving her up, I'm giving her more.

So- can summer be over now???  I am ready for her to be back HOME with her Mommy!!!

Chasing Dreams

So-

Today I was sitting at work wishing more for myself.  So, I decided that I was going to finally chase my dreams.  I am tired of sitting around waiting for life to happen.

As of right now- I have applied for college.  Only 10 years after graduating High School... But, hey!  Better late than never!

Plus- It's not like I haven't been doing something with my life the past 10 years.  I have obtained some pretty hard licenses in Finance.  (Series 7 and 66)

I'm happy with where I have been... But, disappointed in the fact that I let my dream sit on the back-burner.

Anway... Look at me!

Setting out to get my Edumacation!!

Wish Me Luck!  I am sure it's not going to be easy being a Full-time Employee, Full-time Mommy, and Full-time student... But, I'm superwoman... I can do this!!!

Full-Time Employee -slash- Mom and Sorta-Wife

Holy moly!!!

Life is exhausting.  There, I said it.

Life is incredibly exhausting. 

I didn't realize how much more tired I'd be throwing in a full-time relationship to the mix.  I mean- I've done this all before.  (the being married, working 40 hours, being a mommy) sort-of-thing.

But, I'm not married.  Bailee isn't Mike's child.

I don't really know how this is perceived to be different.  He helps out with her more than I do at most times.  But- I am exhausted.

Maybe it's the fact that I am used to getting up, getting Goo up, going to work/school.... Getting off work, picking up Bee...going home and doing our own din-din/bedtime routine.

Possibly this new routine of moving further from school/work... Working an earlier shift (I was working at 8am and have changed in the past week to a 7am shift)... etc has added to this new level of exhaustion...

I don't know.

All I know is that I'm tired.  I am trying my hardest to be a super employee, a super mom, and a super "sorta" wife...(ok, I'm JUST a girlfriend...who knows when that will ever (if ever) change)

But- I can also state that I am happy. 

I am incredibly happy.

I just keep hoping on the Question.

Damn the Question.

A new start...A new blog...

I used to be so great at blogging.  I would blog almost every day.  Sometimes a few times a day.

But then I got divorced.  I got depressed.  I got lonely.  And I didn't care about updating a stupid blog.

Things are much different now-  I am in a new place... Mentally and Physically.

I am.....

Happy.

I would love to try and find the inner desire to blog again... and I thought I'd start a NEW blog.

Guess we'll see how this goes...

Wish me LUCK!